Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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