i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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