Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
