I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
