You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
