thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
