Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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