if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
