At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
