Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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