i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
