Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize