I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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