I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
