Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
