she was so not down for the gang bang
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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