my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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