sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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