So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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