real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
