My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
