Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
