she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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