so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
