This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
