someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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