its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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