Nicole vs. Life
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
