mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
