I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
