Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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