Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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