everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
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Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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