You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My vagina is officially offended.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
