I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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