i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
