My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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