You work out of a Hotel?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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