Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
