i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
