I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
