then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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