At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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