I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
