she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
