I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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