I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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