Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
