I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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