Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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