I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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