the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
