Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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