I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
