so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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