just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
