It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
