if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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