Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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