I hate your face
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
