i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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