he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The air taste purple.
Randomize
