This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
