dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
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